Seasons & Episodes
Arguments, Arguments...
Proud house owner and Tory Alf Garnett is angered by his socialist son-in-law Mike's comments about the family home bein
Hair Raising!
Following yet another political spat with Mike and a subsequent nap, Alf heads off to the pub. There, he's unable to und
A House with Love in It
It's Alf and Else's 25th wedding anniversary; however, needless to say, Alf has forgotten and it's left to Mike to give
Intolerance
Alf reluctantly accompanies Mike to see Liverpool play Borussia Dortmund in the European Champions cup. There, his racis
Two Toilets? ... That's Posh!
With no bathroom or inside toilet in his terrace house, Alf resigns himself to washing in the old tin bath in the kitche
From Liverpool with Love
Alf is less than pleased when Mike's Irish parentsbcome to stay for the week. However a bizarre alliance forms between A
Claustrophobia
The Garnetts visit the West country on holiday. Alf is driving (badly) and, to make matters worse, it turns out that he
Peace and Goodwill
As the Garnetts celebrate Christmas, Alf berates Rita and Mike for only giving him 'Whiffs' as opposed to real cigars an
Sex Before Marriage
The sexual morals of the youth of the mid-1960s are far from acceptable to pedagogue Alf, and when Rita's virtue is brou
I Can Give Up Any Time I Like
Pipe smoker Alf reluctantly accepts a challenge given by Mike to give up smoking. Both Else and Rita are pleased, but wh
The Bulldog Breed
In yet another political argument, this time about the war in Vietnam, Alf declares that all protesters are Communists.
Caviar on the Dole
When Mike loses his job and has to sign on the dole, Alf is suspicious because he offers to give him more money for the
A Woman's Place Is in the Home
Alf comes home late from work and finds his dinner burnt to a crisp in the oven. Else tells him that Mike is at the chip
A Wapping Mythology
Alf returns home full of pride, having bought a portrait photograph of the Duke of Windsor—the former King Edward VIII
In Sickness and in Health...
Alf is in hospital for a short stay and he is not a model patient. Uncomfortable with a Black nurse, he defies hygiene b
State Visit
Learning that the Socialist prime minister he despises, Harold Wilson, is hosting the Russian premier, Alf is appalled,
Alf's Dilemma (aka Cleaning Up TV)
Alf has a stomach bug but Else has blocked the toilet with tea leaves so he has to keep going next door. After decrying
The Phone
When Mike is unable to get into the phone box to place Alf's bet on a horse which ultimately wins, Alf decides it's time
The Blood Donor
Believing that Alf is scared to be a blood donor, Mike bets that even if he did give blood, it would be rejected. Alf is
Monopoly
On New Year's Eve, Alf, not wanting to join the others at the party over the road, gets out his old Monopoly set. When e
The Funeral
Out of grudging respect for a late female neighbour he despised, Alf orders the telly off for the whole day. Mike inform
Football
Despite confiscating the local kids' football, Alf is invited by the vicar to act as youth soccer coach, attracting scor
The Puppy
Alf returns from the pub with a mongrel puppy. The family find it adorable but it isn't exactly house-trained. The more
Aunt Maud
When Else is laid up with bronchitis, her sister Maud arrives to care for the family. She and Alf hate each other and, a
To Garnett a Grandson
Rita gives birth to a son and Alf, eventually – as he would rather be in the pub wetting the baby's head – visits he
Pigeon Fancier
Alf has received a tax rebate and is celebrating by blowing it in the pub, where he hears about another regular's racing
Holiday in Bournemouth
The Garnetts take a train to Bournemouth, where Alf gets into an argument with an Indian passenger and is aghast to be i
Dock Pilfering
Even at the breakfast table, Alf is on his high horse, mouthing off about how the government should put looters and thie
Up the Hammers
Alf wants his grandson Michael to play for West Ham, and follow in the footsteps of his beloved Bobby Moore, so he whisk
Alf's Broken Leg
Alf is bedridden, having slipped on Else's newly-polished floor and broken his leg. Bored with being stuck inside, he as
TV Licence
Alf is determined to respect the two minutes silence 'To honor the dead' on Remembrance Day but will Rita and Mike's dis
The Royal Wedding
Princess Anne is set to marry Captain Mark Phillips, so Alf, loyal to the royal family, celebrates by organising a stree
Strikes and Blackouts
It's freezing outside, and it's worsened by the miners' strike. A cold and hungry Alf explodes in rage when Else tells h
Three Day Week
In line with his Tory leader's declaration, Alf is now working three days but is appalled to find Else is doing the same
Gran's Watch
Gran is very ill and Else is very concerned, while Alf is uncaring, they visit the sick old lady. Alf, believing Gran is
Party Night
Supreme male chauvinist pig Alf is put to the test when Else and Rita get drunk at the pub. Things get worse when he tan
Paki-Paddy
While boozing at the pub, racist Alf makes Gran laugh by ridiculing the Pakistani, 'Paki-Paddy'. But the laughter screec
Phone Call to Else
Alf is well and truly missing Else's housework and cooking so he rings her to ask when she will be home but receives no
Marital Bliss
Alf finds himself in the middle when neighbour Bert arrives, closely followed by his wife Min after they've had a row ov
Wedgie Benn
Alf, the Reeds, and the Rawlins get involved in the undeniable political discourse. Alf regards long term Labour ministe
The Wake
Min's mother has died and everybody has returned from the funeral though Min is adamant that her mother will be reincarn
Christmas Club Books
Alf has been asked to look after the Christmas club subscriptions at the local pub in Else's absence. However, maths isn
The Letter
Else has sent a letter to Min and not to Alf, suggesting that Rita and Mike bring Michael Junior to Australia, as she ha
Moving in with Min
With no sign of Else ever returning, Alf decides to put his house on the market, though with Rita and Mike as sitting te
Min the Housekeeper
Returning home from work, Alf finds Min with her feet up watching his colour television with no attempt to make him dinn
Drunk in Charge of a Bicycle
Min has decided that Bert must lose weight and keep fit by going out jogging. Alf accompanies on a pushbike to make sure
The Window
When Mike points out that the windows at the Garnett house have not been washed in years, Alf decides to save money and
A Hole in One
Alf and Bert decide to increase their status by joining the local golf club though they're not very good and the regular
Unemployment
Alf is not a happy bigot; he's lost his job and returns to an empty and dark house. And all on his birthday too. He fear
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